I am a child

9:42 AM

The irony of my last post being titled "I am fire" is not lost on me as I sit in discomfort while my...business feels like it is on fire.

Sometimes, Jesus lets you know that you are good and worthwhile by telling you and sometimes He shows you by allowing you to get a raging UTI and putting you out of commission.

We came back into town for a wedding this weekend and that wedding was amazing. I'll probably write a whole post about it. Right now when I try to talk about it I just cry, so that doesn't translate well into typed text.

And then on Sunday I started to feel crummy, but still invited some friends over to hang out for John's birthday. And then when they all arrived at my parent's house, I realized that I had peed in 5 minute increments for the past hour and that everything was terrible and everything hurt. BUT I couldn't be sick! There were people over! For John's birthday! And I had a flight to catch on Monday! So we could move to Denver!

But then my bladder freaked out so I informed our guests that I was sick and they could stay as long as they wanted in my parent's basement, and John and I went to the ER.

So now I am still at my parent's house (the guests have left by now) taking some crazy meds that make my pee orange and make me unable to drive or operate heavy machinery and my saintly husband is flying back to Berkeley (on his 25th birthday) sans wife to pack up the rest of our stuff.

But, praise Jesus Christ now and forever, our amazing friend Greg is flying back with him. He took off of work to go to Berkeley to help us pack and then drive 17hrs to get to Denver. What a man.

So in my mind I am a giant failure. I threw my husband a horrible birthday party which ended with us hanging out in the ER, I've abandoned him to deal with moving to a new state, and I'm stuck at home and unable to do anything but drink cranberry juice and pee.

All of those things are facts, but I am not a failure. People get sick. People have to cancel flights. People have to ask for help. Marriage is not a 50/50 trade and it is not a fair exchange. And neither is the love of Christ. He loves us at 1000% all the time and we rarely give Him the time of day. On Saturday we celebrated the marriage of two beautiful and holy people who know witness to us, in a tangible way, the love our God has for us. And in that beautiful moment I could see it so clearly; the quick loving glances, the hand squeezing, the way they looked at each other while dancing.

But I can also see it now; bedridden but receiving cute and encouraging texts from my husband, his strengthen in assuring me that everything will be okay, and how he doesn't think any less of me for being a human being and getting sick.

Jesus knows that we are fire and He also knows that we are children, babies even. We can nothing without Him and what little good we do can seem few and far between. But He loves us. Orange pee and all.

Happy Birthday, John. You are too kind and too good for this world, which is kind of the point. I love being married to you, you old man,

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