Glorious Easter

9:18 PM

 It's Easter and He is risen. Let's just dive right in. This Easter hit me harder than any other Easter, maybe ever. I know that is a mighty claim but Holy Week hit me like a ton of bricks and celebrating the Vigil on Saturday set my weary heart free.

John and I have been in the "achieving" mode for NPF since we got married in November and so far we haven't gotten pregnant. Now, I know it's only been 5 months and that's not very long. I know that there is no real reason to be worried/frustrated/overwhelmed/fed-up etc. I know that lots of other married couples want babies too. I know that my cycle is normal and that "it's only a matter of time" (to quote many people). I know all of these things. But that doesn't make my disappointment disappear. It certainly lessens the severity of it, it certainly helps me to keep a rational mind-set, but pain is pain is pain. And I want to be able to articulate this on my blog so that (hopefully) years from now I can look back and remember that the first months of our marriage were amazing; good and bad.

Anyway, Holy Thursday came (and so did proof of  not pregnant me) and all of the feelings got me to. Like, my Myers-Briggs is probably just FFFF for Feeling Feeling Feeling Feeling.

I was rude and impatient with everyone, especially John, I was tired and mopey all day, I was constantly worrying about moving again and potentially finding a new job, I was frustrated and fed up with our moderately heretical services here (uuuuugggghhhhhhhhh) and I was just a little bit done.

But
But
But

Redemption is real. We went to a different parish for Easter Vigil to support our teammate's fiance as he entered the Church (!!!) and the Exsultet brought me to tears like it does every year.

I felt like literal human trash, a week's worth of failings and disappointments on my heart, but Jesus was there, Resurrected, for me.

Whew.

So here are some photo highlights.

(1) Sriracha and cilantro deviled eggs. Good. I didn't use a recipe, I just mixed until it tasted good. Sorry, y'all

(2) Stations of the Cross on Berkeley campus was beautiful.

(3) Vigil! A little sponsee and sponsor love from Peter and John, their arms are almost touching. I braided my hair into a crown and felt v. v. v. accomplished

(4) + (5) After Mass with our team at a bar. Feeling elated and blessed.

Hope your Easter was extraordinary! And it's not even done yet.

 




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1 comments

  1. First off, HAPPY EASTER! Sounds like it ended up being a lovely one.

    But ugh, girl. I'm so sorry for your pain. 5 months sounds short but when you basically assume you'll "achieve" in the first cycle (and we all do, trust me!!), every failed cycle feels like an eeeternittyyyy. So my heart hurts for you. I just wanna reach thru the screen and give you a big hug. Let me know if I can help at all! I'm no expert, but I know my fair share about the NaPro world having lived thru it for 2 years. I really hope you don't have to go that path, but I'm here for ya if you do! <3

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