This is hard

11:56 AM

Friends! How are you? I hate to come back to the blogging world and not write about something fun and uplifting but I am sad.

I went to high school with a sweet girl named Lauren and for two years her younger sister, Carly, has been going through treatments for spinal and brain tumors. I followed her updates on facebook and read about her terrifying treatments, her bravery and smiles through it all, and the unending love from her family. But this weekend she died. And I am so sad.

Honestly, I barely knew her sister and I had never met Carly. So how can I be so sad? (You can read a little about her here from the UNL newspaper).

Then I read Heather's post, followed by this heart wrenching and beautiful tribute for Paul from Mary. And once again, I am so sad for people I do not know. I don't know Paul, I don't know Mary, I don't know Paul's wife...

But I'm grieving and mourning like I do. There's a part of me that feels bad about that, like somehow I shouldn't be allowed to be sad for people I don't know. That sadness can only come from the family, the close friends, those who have battled on with those who are now gone.

But I'm pretty sure that's the devil whispering that. I'm allowed to be sad because I know that Jesus is sad. I know that Jesus is allowing my heart to break for what breaks His.

And pain is pain is pain.

But it's not the end and death wasn't in the original plan and this life isn't forever. These are things I hear, but, Lord, let them sink into my heart.

In order to perceive the true answer to the "why" of suffering, we must look to the revelation of divine love, the ultimate source of the meaning of everything that exists. Love is also the richest source of the meaning of suffering, which always remains a mystery: We are conscious of the insufficiency and inadequacy of our explanations. Christ causes us to enter into the mystery and to discover the "why" of suffering, as far as we are capable of g.asping the sublimity of divine love. In order to discover the profound meaning of suffering . . . we must above all accept the light of revelation. . . . Love is also the fullest source of the answer to the question of the meaning of suffering. This answer has been given by God to man in the cross of Jesus Christ. (SD 13, St. John Paul II)


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  1. Ah :( I just saw this, after writing my own post tonight about Carly and Paul. Barely knowing Carly, not knowing Paul... but still grieving. On some level I am glad to be grieving though, because it ties me tighter to the two of them. And my heart needs to feel what it naturally feels when something tragic happens... These two beautiful souls... I wish I'd known them better in this life, but can get to know them in the next anyway. Thanks for this post. Beautiful

  2. I agree 100% with Meghan's comment. It's so hard to experience secondhand suffering like this, especially in the world where we see so many posts and updates about beautiful people like this, but I'd rather feel it than not even have the chance to feel it.