It's Easter and He is risen. Let's just dive right in. This Easter hit me harder than any other Easter, maybe ever. I know that is a mighty claim but Holy Week hit me like a ton of bricks and celebrating the Vigil on Saturday set my weary heart free.

John and I have been in the "achieving" mode for NPF since we got married in November and so far we haven't gotten pregnant. Now, I know it's only been 5 months and that's not very long. I know that there is no real reason to be worried/frustrated/overwhelmed/fed-up etc. I know that lots of other married couples want babies too. I know that my cycle is normal and that "it's only a matter of time" (to quote many people). I know all of these things. But that doesn't make my disappointment disappear. It certainly lessens the severity of it, it certainly helps me to keep a rational mind-set, but pain is pain is pain. And I want to be able to articulate this on my blog so that (hopefully) years from now I can look back and remember that the first months of our marriage were amazing; good and bad.

Anyway, Holy Thursday came (and so did proof of  not pregnant me) and all of the feelings got me to. Like, my Myers-Briggs is probably just FFFF for Feeling Feeling Feeling Feeling.

I was rude and impatient with everyone, especially John, I was tired and mopey all day, I was constantly worrying about moving again and potentially finding a new job, I was frustrated and fed up with our moderately heretical services here (uuuuugggghhhhhhhhh) and I was just a little bit done.

But
But
But

Redemption is real. We went to a different parish for Easter Vigil to support our teammate's fiance as he entered the Church (!!!) and the Exsultet brought me to tears like it does every year.

I felt like literal human trash, a week's worth of failings and disappointments on my heart, but Jesus was there, Resurrected, for me.

Whew.

So here are some photo highlights.

(1) Sriracha and cilantro deviled eggs. Good. I didn't use a recipe, I just mixed until it tasted good. Sorry, y'all

(2) Stations of the Cross on Berkeley campus was beautiful.

(3) Vigil! A little sponsee and sponsor love from Peter and John, their arms are almost touching. I braided my hair into a crown and felt v. v. v. accomplished

(4) + (5) After Mass with our team at a bar. Feeling elated and blessed.

Hope your Easter was extraordinary! And it's not even done yet.