Linking up with Kelly with these 7 Quick Takes. Mostly I'm documenting this so I can forever memorialize one of the few times in my life I felt truly embarrassed. Warning: this is an embarrassing story while I was at the OBGYN so beware of anatomical (and childish nicknames) terminology.

ONE// After experiencing some really awful emotional PMS nonsense, I finally woman-ed up and made a doctor's appointment. Also I haven't been to the doctor in like, forever. Last time I went to the doctor I got a colonoscopy so I think my hesitations are pretty valid.  ALSO I got married and got sexually active (as you do) and received much bullying from some other married friends on the need for an gyn visit. Ugh, helpful friends.

TWO// So I live in Denver and everyone talks about how amazing Bella Natural Women's Care center is. Including my blog crush, Jenny. So I make an appointment there (and cry on the phone a little while talking to the sweetest receptionist ever) and wait in mild agony for the day to arrive.

THREE// I drive to the center, enter into the swankiest waiting room I've ever seen, and do a quick scan to make sure I don't know anyone in the office. I know that's a crazy thing to do (especially because now I'm writing about it for the internet) but I have a lot of pride and I didn't want to admit, in person, to anyone that I'm not perfect and my body is a bit of a mess.

First scan, complete strangers. Score.

Filling out paperwork. Wait...I know her. John's previous team director and a good personal friend of ours is my nurse.

I immediately get sweaty as we walk over to the scale because I'm horrified that beautifully flawless Cindy is going to know how much I weigh.

This should have been the least of my worries.

FOUR// Cindy is the picture of professionalism while I spiral into a sweaty-nerves-fit that is so bad that my vein refuse to release blood for a sample. But then I realized that she's a nurse! She does this! This is her job. She won't tell anyone how much I weigh nor will she tell people how it took me an embarrassingly long time to pee into a jar (classic nervous pee situation). She leaves, the doctor comes in, we talk, he types, and then he tells me that he is going to step out while I get my robe on so he can finish the exam.

I say, cool!

He says, I'll be right back with Cindy.

I say, wait...what?

FIVE// So Cindy saw both my boobs

SIX// And my vagina.

SEVEN// But she, unlike me, was incredibly professional. My doctor was the sweetest man and overall it was a really positive first grown woman doctor appointment. Just initially unnerving to have a former teammate/former co-workers/newly-established-friend as your nurse.

But the good news is that Cindy and I are hanging out soon. So seeing my ta-tas and va-jay-jay didn't scare her off.

I don't know. Probably not the worst embarrassing doctor story in the world. I'm sure I will top it in the future.

What's your most embarrassing doctor story? Should I do a link up so we can all feel cathartic and horrified at the same time?

You're great. Happy Friday.

1. I don't mean to start this post off on a personal note but I just need to know. There are many warning signs that my period is fast approaching; I get so bloated, I eat everything, sugar makes me lose my mind (legit crazy), etc. But the biggest one is that on the morning of the day I get my period I have teeny tiny mole eyes.

It's 1 part horrifying and 1 part also horrifying.

I drew an illustration just to help you visualize.

Exhibit A: Normal day, normal androgynous and bald me

Exhibit B: Mole person who lives underground and has never seen light

As a side note, moles are so weird so do not google image search them.  Anyway, please let me know that I'm not the only one.

Heather posted this amazing quote the other day:

“Wouldn’t it be a shame if you were living a wonderful life and didn’t even notice?"

She didn't post an author, which makes me think maybe she said it. She is very wise. And so hilarious.
Or Prison Mike said it.

You got a good life...you got a good life

But I read it and I realized that I am living a wonderful life and I haven't noticed. After moving our lives were so full of the mundane cleaning, unpacking, purging junk, organizing, figuring out how one of us can work 9-5 and the other one can be at home all day and not go insane. Just the usual moving woes. But now that some of that has died down I realize my brain is still in this stressed-out-everything-is-weird mode. 

But my life is great! This is not meant to be a brag post. I have an amazing husband, a great apartment, a wonderful family, friends that I cherish, and a faith that I love. My life is amazing. I hope and pray that even if it wasn't amazing that I would still praise God. But if I can't even praise Him when it's great...then how deep is my faith...really?

I think when we make this kind of realization of ourselves it can be really easy to get hella introspective and spiral into this woe-is-me-I'm-literal-trash, which is normally my go to. However, these realizations aren't meant to ruin us, they are meant to free us. It's like the time I work my shirt inside out to work and then at lunch someone was like, "Caitlin, I think your shirt is inside out". It would be INSANE if I just sat at my desk and cried about how my shirt was inside out and didn't fix it.

So Jesus is telling me that my shirt is inside out. And I agree. You're right, Jesus, it totally is. And now I will flip it rightside out. I don't know if anything of this makes sense but I know in 2-3 years I'll be bumming around online and will randomly find this and it will speak to my weird heart again.

Like how hilarious I find this image of Frida Cathlo.

Recently I finished a great book called "Our Lady of Guadalupe and the Conquest of Darkness" by Warren H. Carroll and it blew my mind.

So I was a little MIA for awhile...

Har har har. But Hannah is a bit of a pusher and I honestly did miss writing, but for awhile there wasn't really a lot going on. Unpacking, organizing, cleaning, finding the grocery store, rejoicing at the price of food here (yes yes yes), and visiting Nebraska.

I was back home for basically a month (woof) and then I was back for a few days for my sweet friend Katie's wedding (mucho yes) and we are finally back in CO for awhile now.

So maybe I can get back into the hang of things.

The main reason I was in NE for so long was because I was taking a Byzantine icon writing class and it. was. awesome.

I'm dedicating a whole post to the process because it was amazing and terrifying. I learned a lot about myself, my spirituality, my relationship with Jesus, etc. It was a crazy blessed 6 days.

I'm researching how to take my new talent on the road. And by that I just mean I'm googling paints so I can make more icons.

Some other things I've done recently:

(1) Saw Jurassic World and LOVED it.
(2) Bought some chia seeds because I'm only a little behind the times
(3) Paid a lot of money to get our car's AC fixed
(4) Watched John play a lot of Xbox
(5) Figured out how to use eBay! And made $100 so far!


Anyway, scout's honor I will do my best to serve this blog better and actually, you know, blog.

Y'all take care.

We made it! Our grand moving plans did not go as...planned. Which is a nice way of saying that the poop hit the fan. Or the pee...? Too soon? Too far?

#memories

The irony of my last post being titled "I am fire" is not lost on me as I sit in discomfort while my...business feels like it is on fire.

Sometimes, Jesus lets you know that you are good and worthwhile by telling you and sometimes He shows you by allowing you to get a raging UTI and putting you out of commission.

We came back into town for a wedding this weekend and that wedding was amazing. I'll probably write a whole post about it. Right now when I try to talk about it I just cry, so that doesn't translate well into typed text.

And then on Sunday I started to feel crummy, but still invited some friends over to hang out for John's birthday. And then when they all arrived at my parent's house, I realized that I had peed in 5 minute increments for the past hour and that everything was terrible and everything hurt. BUT I couldn't be sick! There were people over! For John's birthday! And I had a flight to catch on Monday! So we could move to Denver!

But then my bladder freaked out so I informed our guests that I was sick and they could stay as long as they wanted in my parent's basement, and John and I went to the ER.

So now I am still at my parent's house (the guests have left by now) taking some crazy meds that make my pee orange and make me unable to drive or operate heavy machinery and my saintly husband is flying back to Berkeley (on his 25th birthday) sans wife to pack up the rest of our stuff.

But, praise Jesus Christ now and forever, our amazing friend Greg is flying back with him. He took off of work to go to Berkeley to help us pack and then drive 17hrs to get to Denver. What a man.

So in my mind I am a giant failure. I threw my husband a horrible birthday party which ended with us hanging out in the ER, I've abandoned him to deal with moving to a new state, and I'm stuck at home and unable to do anything but drink cranberry juice and pee.

All of those things are facts, but I am not a failure. People get sick. People have to cancel flights. People have to ask for help. Marriage is not a 50/50 trade and it is not a fair exchange. And neither is the love of Christ. He loves us at 1000% all the time and we rarely give Him the time of day. On Saturday we celebrated the marriage of two beautiful and holy people who know witness to us, in a tangible way, the love our God has for us. And in that beautiful moment I could see it so clearly; the quick loving glances, the hand squeezing, the way they looked at each other while dancing.

But I can also see it now; bedridden but receiving cute and encouraging texts from my husband, his strengthen in assuring me that everything will be okay, and how he doesn't think any less of me for being a human being and getting sick.

Jesus knows that we are fire and He also knows that we are children, babies even. We can nothing without Him and what little good we do can seem few and far between. But He loves us. Orange pee and all.

Happy Birthday, John. You are too kind and too good for this world, which is kind of the point. I love being married to you, you old man,